Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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