Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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