At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
