I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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