Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
