He uses pillows to masturbate.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
