What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She needs sedatives and a leash
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
