so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
