so explain again why im purple
no
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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