I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
