oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
