Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
