a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
