Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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