I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
