Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
