Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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