I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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