don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Is it because I queefed?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
