You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
