cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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