You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
