You just made me feel so damn special
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
