Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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