so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
