a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Is it because I queefed?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
