Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
worst night to have a conscience
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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