I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
