fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
the condom got lost in my hair
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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