its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
