im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Boobs are out for the taking
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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