Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
