So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
