My cat gives me a boner
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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