Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
