This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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