I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
