I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
