You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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