she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
