you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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