In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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