I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
