So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
