there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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