That's when you crack a 10am beer
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
