Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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