What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
