Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
