dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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