How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
